Successful women not only doubt their work and love judgment, they fret about their decisions, struggle to quiet negative self-talk, and rarely express these fears to anyone. The lack of both men and women mentors who "come clean" about managing their daily doubt contributes to successful women's harmful self-messages and unwillingness to divulge their misgivings. Biographies and auto-biographies, for example, about executives' "rocky ride to the top" don't seem to help. These books offer an arc of life's ups and downs rather than the everyday qualms that affect successful women's sleep, appetite, mood, dating and relationships.
Almost Smart Cookie
Everyone makes mistakes, and very few are disasters. Smart road warriors come up with solutions to fix any missteps.
One of Dr. Wish's relationship advice techniques that she calls the "Become a Smart Road Warrior" helps women gain a perspective on their fears and adjust their thinking about them.
Become a Smart Road Warrior
Imagine you are one of those highway tractor-trailer trucks hauling the load of your misgivings and worries about love and work. Up ahead you must stop at one of those weigh stations to check your weight. In the past, the station manager has showed you repeatedly that you over-estimate your load, and she is getting tired of you driving in each day and using wrong scales.
Dr. Wish now wants you to write down your personal truckload inventory of the heaviest fears, feelings, negative self-talk and doubts that are in your rig. For example, your inventory might include items such as:
• "I am not as smart as I think I am."
• "If I make a mistake, I will get fired--or the company or department will fall apart."
• "There is no such thing as a small mistake."
• "I am disappointed in my partner so I guess I'll never find true love."
The station manager reads your list, shakes her head and tells you that your packaging is what's causing all the weight. She replaces yours with you some newer, lighter materials that won't hold you down or back. Look at her packing suggestions and add your own.
• "Smart road warriors don't expect to have all the answers--just where to get help. Rely on colleagues, mentors, books and seminars."
• "Everyone makes mistakes, and very few are disasters. Smart road warriors come up with solutions to fix any missteps."
• "Most mistakes are small and can be fixed--or lived with! Remember, you can still be smart, lovable and worthy when you make mistakes."
• "All partners disappoint each other in small and even big ways. True love is not perfect love. Are you part of the problem by being a perfectionist who nags, criticizes and tries to teach like an old-fashioned schoolmarm? How can you help in a style that you would like someone to help you? And just whose voice is in your head or past telling you to be perfect?'
To illustrate her research and unique relationship advice, Dr. Wish developed the character and cartoon strip "Almost Smart Cookie." Readers can follow Cookie's love adventures on Dr. Wish's blog www.drlbwish.blogspot.com and learn from her missteps. The blog invites women to share their similar challenges and solutions. Dr. Wish responds personally to select comments and questions with advice based on her research and clinical work.
Join her on-going research for her next book STRONG WOMEN AND LOVE by taking the online survey, which you can find by going to...
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